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February 26 I'm BaaaaackkkkSo I finally got my new computer!:) I think I was without for like 4 days and it seemed like an eternity:( January 23 Thirsty Tuesday?? I don't know it's weird I was fine all day and then BaM! POw! I get this overly obnoxious rapid impulse to drink. I didn't do it and I 'm glad I didn't, especially considering the fact that I"m starting an A.A. meeting at my school on Feb. 4th. But I don't know why I was bored I guess I got out of class and luckily I ran into my sponsor who was at the school to pick up his son, but if I wouldn't have ran into him it's hard to say if I would of drank or not. It's been since July 3rd and I don't know if it's just cuz things are going to well I feel as though there has to be some sort of element of chaos in my life. So now I'm trying to talk myself out of going to wal-mart and going for a walk although that may be what I need a nice walk and look at all those wonderful things that I can't afford. And what's up with Heath Ledger committing suicide?? Found him surrounded by sleeping pills been clean for a year, been suffering with pneumonia and then poof thats it just decides to end it all decides that the length of time needed to fulfill this curse of a life we've been given supercedes but not enough or long enough to make enough sense to stay alive and complete a legacy? Who are we and why does it matter to us the toxicity of someone after they die, I mean isn't that like some sort of breach of privacy. I'd be pissed if you take my blood whether I committ suicide or not and publicize my tox screens all over national t.v. I don't know this overpublicized superficial world we live in makes me sick. January 20 church Wow what a service today, I feel honored to have run sound for the service, we had some great worship songs, well I'm selling my comp. I have it listed on Ebay and in the marketplace on facebook, i'm selling it for 700 i paid a thousand for it it has 2 gig of ddr2 and 120 gig hard drive, 64x2 amd turion processor 2000mhz yeah its fast well if you know anyone interested let me know i still have all original packing and shipping materials, i just purchased it in sept. well if you would like to see some pics or are interested let me know, it really is a good deal, i just want a mac well i'm gonna go eat, Ian January 18 I'm absolutely miserableMy head and my chest is killing me, I had or have pneumonia but they thought they rid it of me but i think that this particular strain has become immune to the z-pac what i usually use, i'm miserable and the only person i have to tell is my computer what a life January 15 finally doneSo I had to get a new wireless router because the one I was using was my friend Seth's and he's living in fla. and now is getting internet and needs it. So I went to Kmart and they had those Belkin G Router's on sale for 30 bucks which is a damn good deal, but of course they were out of them. So I got a raincheck, well remembering that Wal-Mart will honor other stores adds I took the reciept with the proof of the price that was the raincheck and got the router. It seems simple enough to hook up, but I ended up calling the customer service because it wasn't reading an internet connection thru the router which was weird cuz when u hooked it up directly to the modem it worked fine. So They put me on the line with some snotty Arab, don't get me wrong i'm not racist and have had many of wonderful conversions with middle easterners helping especially through dell, but this guy was a complete butthole. Well I finally got it working had to assign it a completely new ip address and all that mumbo jumbo. So then I had to reconnect to the network so I could print on the house printer with my laptop. I have 50 flyers to print out on an A.A. meeting I'm starting on Campus Feb. 4th. So finally i'm finished I can go up to bed and listen to coast to coast with george nory in peace, This is Ian signing off have a great Morning  January 11 12:09 I just received an email from someone from the student government asking me to participate in a meeting tomorrow at 11am. Since I received the email 8 minutes till midnite I am a bit uncertain whether they meant tomorrow as in today, Fri. or tomorrow as in Sat. Oh well I guess if I show up and no one is there I can always find something to do. January 10 12:24 Remind me please that I never should take a job at park center. I just had an appointment today and it didn't go that great. The doctor I was seeing retired so they have a new doctor to take his place. Well this new doctor decided the meds I was taking wasn't right and changed one of them. I told him to go screw his self and if I kill someone I'm giving him all the credit, seriously, lol. Well folks you know what time it is, thats right, Latte time  !!!Peace Outty, Ian  January 08 The New yearLiveJournal Tags: Today is the greatest day I'll ever know I've begun this new year in sort of a haze...I'm definitely ready to go back to school. For those who don't know I'm going to school for Human Services and focusing in addictions. That's kind of funny considering I'm an Alcoholic and an Addict. I've been Sober for 6 months on the 3rd but have been taking klonapin because of my anger issues. So I'm kind of confused if that messes up my clean date because I'm taking this medication illeagily. I used to have a prescription for it but I haven't for a couple of years now, but I do have a doctors appt. to get things straightened out. I just feel as though I took the easy way out instead of coping with the feelings or the anger I decided to take a pill instead. But when I snap its like something in my head just snaps and I completely lose it. It really scares me because I was raised in an abusive home and I find myself demonstrating some of these behaviors that I vowed never to do. I've never hit a woman but I came really close a couple weeks ago and thats what scared me to the point of taking the meds. I am seeing a therapist also and I do believe that will help. I'm a firm believer in medication and talk therapy combined instead of either or. Well I have an appt. at 2 so I guess thats it for today... Transfer me I've been descentsitizedWhat I've found here is an outlet you see; Brought on by undeniable loneliness and hipocracy, So what once stood in front of me in solid form; Twirls around dazing me in a supersized delusion; |
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